The Adventure of Caboose's Purple Person
by ihavereallycurlyhair
Summary: Something's happening at Blue Base with Caboose! The Reds are clueless, and the Blues aren't noticing his secret plans. He never got his purple best friend! And now, he's bent on finding one-whatever it takes. Even bringing...a girl!
1. Chapter 1: Intro

**Hi there! My first attempt at publishing a story.**

**Disclaimer: If you thought the first part of my story was familiar if you've seen **_**Red vs. Blue: Relocated,**_** then you're totally right. The first part of the dialogue is taken from the second episode of Red vs. Blue: Relocation, although some of it is changed a bit to make sense with my story. I DO NOT OWN RED VS. BLUE, or anything affiliated with it—all of the characters lovingly belong to RoosterTeeth, and I only took their dialogue because it was so perfect! No harm, no foul? *winces expecting pain to ensue* Though I can honestly say I secretly wish I owned Caboose. Who wouldn't? **

**Anddd I'm assuming that if you're reading this, that you have a clue of what the amazing show known as Red vs. Blue is, so I'm not going to introduce everything. If you haven't seen the show, get on that! Go watch them online. They're hilarious.**

**AU, because I'm using Valhalla as their grounds, but everyone's still around. Sarge, Grif, Simmons, Donut, Church, Tucker, and Caboose. The whole gang. Probably mentions of Doc, Sister, and Tex, too, but I'm not sure at this point. I'll shut up now. Enjoy!**

It was a beautiful sunny morning on Valhalla. Though, to be fair, it was always daytime at this particular place, and all of the people here were used to it. All seven of them.

Simmons jogged over to a hill situated near Blue Base, in perfect line to see any source of action occurring, should there be any.

"Come in, Sarge, come in. I can see blue base, but there's no one around. There's some kind of light, and it looks like somebody's working on something. I'll move up closer and see if I can find anyone, but I don't think that there's—" A bright blue helmet obstructed his vision of the base.

"—Hello!—"

"—JESUS!" Simmons jumped back in alarm. "Ugh, don't do that!"

Caboose was his usual happy self. "Hey Simmons." He thought for a minute. "Uh, are you guys coming to attack us? Uh, because I'm kinda busy right now. Do you think you could attack us later maybe…like uh…like next week?"

"We're not attacking you," Simmons started, "I'm just coming over to spy on you."

"—Oh, _awesome_!—"

"—And figure out how you got your power turned on—"

"—Oh, you mean the invisible magic, yeah. Uh, you know it was already on when we got here? Very convenient."

"And I'm also trying to figure out what you're doing."

"Doing? Nothing. There's no reason to do anything. Why would I be doing something? I wouldn't, that's why. So I'm not."

Caboose obviously didn't know how to be subtle. Simmons was already suspicious. "If you're not doing anything, then why are you too busy?"

"Wha?"

"You just said we couldn't attack you right now because you were too busy."

There was silence for a moment.

"…I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Why?" Simmons kept on. "You _are_ doing something, aren't you?"

"Hey! _Simmons_, stop being nosy. Do you want to lose all your spying privileges?"

Frustrated, Simmons turned, and headed back to Red Base to tell Sarge of his findings. He got back, and noticed Sarge standing in front of the base. _Where was Grif? And Donut, for that matter?_ _Actually,_ he changed his mind, _I don't even want to know what Donut's up to._

"Hey, Sarge."

"Simmons! What'd ya find out?"

"Well, I know their base isn't running on brain power," Simmons stated flatly.

"Excellent," Sarge answered. "That means Grif can still be used as fuel once we git the generators turned on."

"Caboose has_ no idea_ how their power works. He said it was already on when they got there."

Sarge harrumphed. "Favoritism. Command always _did_ like them best."

"He said he could run us an extension cord if we could find one long enough."

"No way. Not fallin' fer that."

Simmons sighed. "I had a feeling you wouldn't."

"He'd choose just the right moment to cut us off from a valuable resource!"

"A resource we don't even have access to to begin with!" Simmons cried.

"That's exactly right," Sarge continued. "He wants to soften us up, and then yank the carpet out from under our feet! No way. And besides, Grif's on his way to figuring out this problem as we speak! Heh heh."

Simmons looked around. "Where is he, anyway?"

"Up there." Sarge gestured towards the tallest part of their base—at least seventy feet above the ground.

Simmons stifled a laugh. "Wha? What's he doing up there?" He squinted. He could see a small yellow man up at the top of the base. Grif was petrified.

"HELP ME SIMMONS!"

"I think that blue bolt," Sarge gestured to the Blue Base (conveniently ignoring Grif's cries for help), which was emitting shots of blue from the top, "has something to do with the power, and ours 'aint workin'."

"JESUS CHRIST!" Grif wailed.

"So..why didn't _you_ climb up there?" Simmons looked back to Sarge.

"Me? Afraid of heights. I mean, allergic!"

"EVERYONE'S AFRAID OF HEIGHTS!" Grif contributed to the conversation.

"You have a fear of heights? Didn't you used to jump out of ships in high orbit during the war?" Simmons reeled.

"And how do you think I _developed_ that fear? That shit was crazy."

"THERE'S A BIRD UP HERE FUCKING WITH ME!"

"Quit making friends an' git up there!"

"SHOO! SHOO!"

Simmons looked around while Grif and Sarge were yelling, and noticed a ladder that ran up the length of the base. "Sarge, why didn't you just let him use the ladder?"

Sarge turned slowly, and found the ladder. "Oh, right. I guess we didn't see that before he started up. My bad."

"GOD DAMMIT!"

"How could you miss something that big?"

"Well, what can I say Simmons? I guess you're a bit more observant than the rest of us."

Simmons' voice laced with sarcasm. "No kidding. I'm going inside."

Donut's voice was heard from inside the base. "_Hey Guuuuyys! Who wants to help me with my interior decorating? I'm no where near finished!"_

"Never mind. I'll just stay out here and watch," Simmons sighed.

**(A/N: Just announcing that this is where the actual dialogue (mostly, I didn't copy ****all**** of it word for word) of the show ends. I don't mean any harm, RoosterTeeth! I did it only because it REALLY worked with my plot! Please don't sue me!)**

* * *

Meanwhile, Caboose was definitely up to something. On the floor inside one of the rooms in Blue Base lay a full-fledged indigo suit of armor, a few guns, some basic tools, a blowtorch, and a strange-looking machine of some sort. As Caboose started to put away his things, another man walked into the room. Caboose noticed his entrance without looking.

"Oh, hi Tucker."

"Caboose…what are you doing?" He looked around at the pieces of machinery in front of him and suddenly became suspicious.

"Nothing! This is nothing. Why? Do you see something?"

"Um." Tucker turned away slowly, knowing there probably was no real danger. "No," he stated flatly. "I... didn't... see anything."

"Really?!" Caboose turned towards all of his tools and his machine. "Ohh, myyy God! I can make invisible stuff!"

Tucker shook his head. _Maybe I should find Church._

"Church?" Tucker called into the cobalt soldier's room. He heard a groan. "What, Tucker?"

"I think you should make sure Caboose isn't doing something dangerous."

He heard the rustling of sheets, and movement. "No."

"Come on, man. I think he's up to something."

He heard some whispered profanity, and the next thing he knew, he saw a very disgruntled, irritable Church standing in the doorway wearing only boxers. "Really, Tucker? Caboose? Dangerous? Are you _shitting_ me? It's early, and you're bugging me with useless crap."

"Well, it looked kinda suspicious to me…I just didn't want to risk it _actually_ being dangerous and not alerting you to it. Because _then_, I'd probably me in MUCH deeper shit than I am now for waking your ass up."

"Whatever, dipshit. Fine. I'll go check up on him." Tucker waited for Church to sleepily shuffle into the next room, and back.

"Ugh, I knew this would happen. Caboose said he's building a supposedly _invisible_ time portal or something, though it's COMPLETELY visible. Ugh. Fuck you both. I'm going back to bed." Tucker got a slammed door in his face.

Tucker sighed, grinning underneath his armor at his annoyed C.O.

"Totally worth it."

He retreated to the kitchen to find food, completely missing Caboose talking to himself.

"_They_ won't be my best friends…." He mumbled, finishing his touches on his machine. "And I got a purple heart, but no purple lung…" he plugged his new contraption into the wall. "So I'm just gonna go find my own purple person." He grabbed his remote, stepped onto the dias built to handle twice his weight, and flipped the switch.

Caboose held his breath as he looked around, hoping it worked. The lights were dimming, and the air conditioner stopped its normal hum. There was a bright flash, and he was gone.

"What the—?" Tucker looked up to notice the lights in the kitchen flickering on and off. _Something was taking up a lot of energy._ He snickered at the thought of _other things_ that took up lots of energy. He sighed, wishing, once again, that he could get some action, and quick. He knew Tex wouldn't do it (she wasn't around much anymore, plus, she hated his guts) and Sister...well...it was old. He was bored. He shrugged, pouring some milk into a bowl of cereal. An idea then flashed into his brain as he poured, remembering the energy spasm, and he froze. The milk slowly overflowed the bowl of cereal, but Tucker didn't care. There were more important things to worry about. Like—

"CABOOSE!" Tucker sprinted into the room Caboose had previously occupied, his thick white socks making him slide a little too much. He promptly fell, crashing into one of the walls of the room. "Ow." He looked around.

As he feared, Caboose was nowhere to be found. He took a deep breath. "CHUURRCCHH!"

"I SWEAR, TUCKER, IF YOU ARE WAKING ME UP AGAIN TO FUCKING CHECK UP ON CABOOSE I WILL FUCKING SHOOT YOU."

"Nonononono CHURCH GET IN HERE!"

Five agonizing minutes later, Church was sleepily entering the room. Tucker was freaking out.

"CHURCH, CABOOSE IS GONE."

"Oh, for the love of—" Church turned around. "I'M GOING BACK TO BED!"

"_What?!_"

"I don't give a fuck if Caboose isn't here! He's probably _outside_. Or at Red base, or something! Whatever, I don't _care_. Just because he's not in here doesn't mean he just magically disappeared!"

"But Church, Church, hear me out, here." Tucker followed Church back down the hallway. "The lights started dimming, and the air conditioner went off for a minute or two. That means a lot of energy was being used at one point in time. Caboose could've been using his time machine thingy!" Church abruptly turned around, making Tucker almost smack into him.

Church leaned in, looking meanacing. "You're wrong. First of all, Caboose? Make something? Yeah right. He doesn't even know how to properly throw a grenade. He has trouble finding the light switch in his room!" Church flailed his arms in the air. "Secondly, the energy output in this base is fucked up, anyways. So quit your whining. Caboose didn't do anything worth freaking out over."

As soon as Church left, Tucker swore. "Shit, shit, shit, I just _know_ Caboose did something right for once. We're fuckin' screwed. Caboose has better aim than Church!"

"I HEARD THAT, YOU DOUCHEBAG!"

**Eh? Any good? Hopefully you guys are happy *dodges tomatoes* Reviews would be lovely! :)**


	2. Chapter 2: Valhawuzzimajigger!

**Second installment. Who else is feeling the slowness that is the month of November? RIIGGHHTT before winter break--I'm itching for this semester to finish. **

**Thank you to all of the people who took the time to read the first chapter! As probably everryy writer knows, the first chapter's always the hardest to deal with and get through. I hope it wasn't like that for you guys :) Thank you to 000yellowfang000 for the review! you're awesome.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own RvB, or anything involving RoosterTeeth and its amazing ideas. **

**Chapter 2: Valhawuzzimajigger!  
**

A crash emitted from Alex Ring's kitchen. Being a light sleeper, she cracked one eye open. _Did I imagine that?_ She sat up, slowly pulling her covers off, and slipping her feet into the fuzzy purple slippers by her bed. She instinctively grabbed her bedside flashlight, and began to make her way to her small kitchen. She flinched, wielding her flashlight much like a baseball bat as she heard a few dishes clatter. _I didn't imagine that. Someone has to be here. _Turning off her flashlight, she peeked around the corner, her green-blue eyes scrutinizing what lay beyond the kitchen doorway and silently gasped. A dark, outlined shadow of a man confirmed her suspicions. Scared out of her mind, she did the smartest thing she could think of: she blazed her flashlight right onto the man's face, hoping to obscure his vision and potentially blind him for a moment and buy her some time.

She secretly complimented herself for her sudden burst of courage. The thought of running never usually came to mind—she wasn't an athlete (she never had the build for it), and, thin as she was, she wasn't the healthiest person. Running was out of the question. Usually, if she got scared, she'd hide in a corner, or worse, hide in a corner, and peek through her fingers until whoever was there took what they wanted, and left. Not that she'd been robbed enough times to form a habit—but she figured with her courage level, that's what she'd do.

Though she realized shortly after her "brave" move that it would only take a robber a few seconds to rebound, and seriously hurt her. _Leave it to me to totally rule out vital information when it comes to getting robbed,_ she inwardly criticized.

As the light shined on a surprisingly uncovered, slightly tanned and handsome face, she faltered for a minute. _What? No mask?_ She quickly racked her brain for an explanation, but couldn't think of any. _Robbers usually wear masks, right? Or some sort of covering to inhibit facial recognition…_

"Ahh!" the man tripped backwards, knocking his hip against the corner of her small countertop. "I'm dyinggg!"

That confused Alex even more. _What was with this guy?_ Before she could think any further, however, the man promptly toppled over as he squinted from the light, and knocking his head on a cupboard, went straight to the floor.

Her motherly senses taken over (he didn't seem very robber-ish), she quickly knelt down, putting her hands on the back of his head to see if he was bleeding, and if he was all right.

"Oh, my God! Are you okay? Please tell me you're okay, I'm so sorry!" She blubbered, not really understanding why a man had broken into her house, was potentially taking something from her, hurt himself, and she was now _apologizing_.

"Wha? Oh. Hii!" the man looked up at her with enormous, almost childlike blue eyes. His mouth stretched into a toothy grin. "Am I dead?"

"What—?" Alex became very confused. "No…"

He smiled even wider. "You're coming with me!"

Alex stood up, brushing her hands on her nightshirt. This man was by far the weirdest thing that had ever entered her house. _And that was saying something, _she mused, noting her not-so-constant string of boyfriends. "I'm _what_?"

"You are going to be my new best friend!" At that, he stood up cheerfully, without any indication that he had just knocked his head and could've seriously hurt himself. _Though_, she added to herself, _it seems he's no doubt been knocked in the head before…_

She turned to pick up the dishes that had clattered to the floor. "But I don't even know you. I don't even know your name." _Oh, hell,_ she figured. _I'll play along. This guy seems absolutely harmless. Probably just playing a prank. He hasn't threatened me yet, and he's not armed. He'll probably just realize he's not getting anywhere and leave in a few minutes. Besides, what could he want that I have? _She opened the cupboard, cursing quietly. She forgot that the plate she used went on the highest cupboard. She always had trouble reaching up that high. The stupid flat she rented was very…vertical. And for someone who was pretty average in size, she had trouble using up all the cupboard and closet space thanks to the high shelves.

"Oh! Right." The man practically jumped to help, easily taking the plate, and placing it perfectly on the highest shelf without any struggle. He turned back to face her, grinning again. "My name is Caboose!" His face moved dangerously close to hers. She could see his faint freckles dotted on his face. She cleared her throat, getting back to her regular thought process. _Focus…focus. Caboose?_

She arched an eyebrow. _Caboose? What kind of senseless judgment did his parents have naming their child Caboose?_ "…Your name is…Caboose? As in the last compartment on a train?"

"Yep! What's your name?" _Aw, it wouldn't hurt._

Alex sighed. "My name's Alex…" she cringed for a second, before letting out the ringer_. No pun intended_. "Alex Ring."

His head popped up. "Your name is…Ring? As in _The Lord of the Rings_?" he mirrored her question, and she giggled at the way he pronounced "the" as "thee." He analyzed her appearance very obviously, and stopped at her purple slippers. He suddenly became very serious. "_You_…like purple?"

She brightened at that. "Yeah! It's indigo, actually, that's my favorite color."

"Oh my God!" He started smiling again. "See, back at Blood Gulch, I got a purple heart, and I was hoping next time, that I'd get a purple lung, and…" he was getting very excited. "I wanted to eventually make a purple person! And we'd be best friends. And you're wearing purple slippers, and you're my new best friend, and it's perfect! Have you ever wanted a purple best friend?"

His words came out almost too fast for her to comprehend them. She blinked, and tried to register all of the new information. _Blood Gulch? Purple heart? Waiiitt a minute…_

"Wait…Caboose. You just said…you received a purple heart?"

"Yes, Lord Ringie. Do you have one? We could share them...and…it'd be fun!" She ignored the comical nickname, and shook her head. _This guy was in the military? He certainly didn't act like it…_

"Are you in the military, Caboose?"

"How did you know? …_Are you psychic too?_" he leaned in, looking suspicious.

"No, no, just…nevermind. What are you even here for?" Alex put her hands on her hips.

"I'm here so that you can come with me!" He sighed, frustrated that she wasn't picking up any of his information. "You're my new best friend, remember? How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Right, right," she mumbled, cleaning her counter top. _Was this some twisted way of giving me a subpoena? What was with this guy? Did the government need something from me, and they sent this guy to get me? What was going on?_ "So what does this entail?"

"Pack your things," he said excitedly, "we're going to Valhawuzzit!" Alex turned around to face him, and crossed her arms.

"…Are you high?" Alex finally sighed. _Valhawuzzit? What did he think I was, five?_

"…What? I'm on the ground, I can't fly!" Alex slapped a hand to her forehead at his total misunderstanding.

"Heeeyyy…." Alex turned. She could almost _see_ the gears working in Caboose's head, and she figured he finally got her actual quesion. "Church asks me that all the time!"

_Nope, still didn't get it._ She was getting curious now. "Church? Who's Church?"

"The Blues' commanding officer."

"Right." _This guy was definitely off his rocker. Blues? This didn't make any sense._ She quickly thought about what she should do. _What COULD she do? This guy was in her house, and he was definitely much stronger than she was,_ she thought as she noted his (very nice) muscular build. _Plus, if he's telling the truth, and he's in the military…then if he asked me to do something, there's probably a government reason behind it…right? _Alex panicked. _Wasn't there some law that if a government-sent soldier asked you for something, or to do something, you had to do it?_ Realizing she probably had no other choice (other than hurting him, which she probably realized wasn't a good idea, and wasn't possible anyways), she sighed.

"What am I doing, again?"

"Let's go get your stuff!"

"What?"

"You don't want to pack anything?"

"What am I packing?" She turned dazedly towards her room. She figured that if the government was involved, her taxes and her flat would be safe, and there was no real reason to worry about that. _Thank God I don't own any pets,_ she mused. She grabbed a suitcase out from underneath her bed covered with indigo sheets.

"Well, clothes, stuffed animals, toothpaste…" he excitedly counted off on his fingers. _What am I doing??_ She thought to herself as she started packing her computer. She sneaked in a few game systems and games as well, hoping they weren't noticed. _There's only one way to find out what's going on, here,_ she answered herself. She calmly packed all her necessities, and turned to face Caboose. "What now?"

"Now…we leave."

"…Where're we going? How?"

"You ask too many questions, Miss Evil Ringmaster." And at that, he grabbed her suitcase in one arm, and her in the other, before pressing the large blue button on his new remote held tightly in his grip. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping for the best. He grinned as he heard the fan in Alex's room spasm, and the lights flicker. In another intense bright flash, any remnants of her room had vanished.

Alex cracked her eyes open, hoping it was all just a dream. _Maybe…maybe I had too much to drink last night. Yeah! And I just had a totally realistic dream._ She then realized the only thing she had too much of last night was probably the strawberry flavored mochi she bought and finished in one sitting.

As soon as her vision focused, she fought the urge to scream.

"Caboose…where…_are_ we?"

Caboose looked over at her brightly, noting that he landed precisely where he wanted to—back on the blue dais he left from. He excitedly led her over to the main doorway, overlooking part of the Blue Base.

"I told you. Valhawuzzy! Isn't it pretty?" Without warning her, Caboose threw her a suit of some sort. It looked like indigo-colored armor. Curious, she began to put it on.

"What's this?"

"It protects you from the Reds. And it's pretty!" With Caboose's help, she finished putting her armor on. _What were the "Reds?" Some type of disease? _She wondered. She was also handed a matching helmet with a yellow-tinted face covering. She pulled up her wavy, chestnut hair, and fit the helmet over her head. It fit perfectly! She wondered at that, for a moment, before she turned her eyes to actually look outside at the place Caboose had taken her to.

Alex was gobsmacked; It looked like nothing on Earth she'd ever seen before. It was beautiful! "Oh, Caboose, it's lovely! Where…where exactly are we, though?"

"What?" Caboose sighed. "I told you already, three times! Valhawuzzimajigger!"

"No, no, I know that, where on _Earth_ are we? I've never _seen_ a place this beautiful before!"

"Uuuhhh..." Caboose looked down at his hands. "That's because…we're not on Earth right now."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?!"

**A/N: Done for now. College is killinggg me. And by college I mean procrastination. Thanks to everyone who reviews. :) They're ALWAYS appreciated! **


	3. Chapter 3: He's a Girl?

**Hey, guys! Time for chapter 3! I have to apologize--I probably won't be adding much to this cause of Thanksgiving, but I'm going to try, and work my hardest on my plot bunnied brain to churn out something as soon as I can. If you guys have ANY suggestions whatsoever, let me know!**

**Happy Thanksgiving, guys! xoxo**

Chapter 3: He's a Girl!?

"Okay." Alex took a deep breath. "It's fine. I'm okay. I'm just…not on Earth." She blinked.

"WHAT AM I _SAYING_?!" she threw off her helmet, pulling her hair at the roots. "I HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY A CRAZY PERSON! IN THE MILITARY!" She collapsed, sitting on the floor. "Oh God. I'm dead. I must be in hell."

Caboose had tried many times before to calm her down, and was now just watching with interest. Alex sighed, putting her helmet back on, and just stayed, sitting on the floor. _There was no way to get out of this. Unless…_ she eyed the time portal machine that Caboose had built with desperation. _If I can figure out how to work that thing…maybe I can get back home! And I'd never have to be in this nightmare ever again._ As that slightly intelligent thought ran through her head, she heard footsteps. She turned her head so fast, she felt her neck crick.

"Caboose!" An African American man with shoulder-length dreads walked in, looking alarmed as he saw the new person in the room. "What the…CHUUURRCCHH!"

Alex heard a distinct crash from another room.

"…OH MY FUCKING GOD TUCKER, I WILL _END_ YOU!" A voice from the other room yelled, making Alex jump about a food in the air. A very, _very_ attractive man with mussed up blueish-black hair walked in. His eyes got wide as he noticed Alex.

"What the—? Tucker, who the hell is the PURPLE PERSON?" He screamed.

"Wha—?? _ME?!_ I DIDN'T DO _SHIT_! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON! All I know is that a few hours ago, Caboose was gone, and now, he's back and with a person in purple armor!"

"Oh." Church quietly surveyed the situation. "Caboose?"

"Yes?"

"What did you bring this one here for?"

"I want a best friend. And you two wouldn't agree to it. So I made my own."

"…You…_made_ your own?" Church looked doubtful.

"…Well…not _exaaactly_…" Caboose mumbled.

"Well, that makes it easy enough. Give me a reason why I shouldn't kill you, and you can stay." Church picked up one of the shotguns laying on the floor, loading and cocking it. Alex gulped, trying to form words, but none would come. It probably had to do with the fact that she was currently nose to nose with a shotgun, having clear sight down the barrel. _Great, Alex…perfect timing to be speechless—_

"Wait…Church, wait!" Tucker interrupted Alex's thoughts. "I think...Caboose...just may have done the _smartest thing ever_."

"_What?!_ Why? As far as I can see, this idea of his, like all of his other ideas, was a _complete_ waste of time and energy. Especially the energy part."

"Think about it. Now that Tex isn't here anymore, we're down a Blue. Not that…Tex was ever really a Blue to begin with, but whatever. We're now even with the Reds! This is good!"

"…I didn't think of that." Church dropped the gun. "Hey, rookie, can you shoot?"

There was silence. Church sighed. "Does he _speak?_"

Caboose tried to interrupt. "But Church, he's not a—"

"Shut up, Caboose. Here, take this." Church threw the shotgun at Alex. Frightened more than she'd ever been in her life, she saw her hands begin to shake slightly.

"Go on, shoot something. Shoot the wall, anything," Church commanded. Alex gulped. _These things are way heavier in real life, _she thought, comparing this to her video games as she picked up the huge gun, and aimed for a random spot on the wall. She sucked air, holding her breath to stop moving, and took the shot. The sheer force of the gunshot sent her a few feet backward, and she fell onto her butt with a painful _WHAM._

"Oh, _Jesus_. Well, he's better than nothing, I guess. He'll have to do."

"But Church, he's not a g—"

"GodDAMN it, Caboose. What?!" This Church guy, however attractive he was, was really grouchy.

Alex frowned. _My butt hurts._

"Uh…nevermind." Caboose sank away, putting some things away. Alex sighed, picking up her bag, and looking to Church for instruction.

"Well," Church sighed. "You don't say much, do you? I like that. No annoying _interruptions_." He gestured towards Caboose.

"You'll stay in the same room with Caboose for the time being. We only have three rooms, and I don't trust Tucker enough." He paused. "Wow, I trust Caboose more than Tucker." He shook his head. He lead her to her room, leaving the doorway once he saw that she was inside. Alex started unzipping her bag, taking out her game consoles and her laptop. She saw some drawers near the side of the room, and she began putting her things inside. _This is so weird. I can't believe this is happening, this makes no sense... _But no matter how hard she tried to talk herself out of the fact that she was on another planet, in another galaxy, the fact remained. She sighed, the hot air fogging up her helmet.

_It's so hot in this thing,_ Alex thought to herself, feeling the beads of sweat running down her back. She took off the protective helmet, and slid off the upper part of her armor, so that the bottoms were still on, but the under armor for her upper body was hanging at her waist. Sighing, she stretched, arching her back, and yawning. She was so tired, she didn't hear the footsteps nearing her room.

"I forgot to ask, what's your name, Rook—" She looked in alarm towards the doorway, where Church was standing again. His jaw visibly dropped, and, cheeks pink, he stormed off. "CABOOSE!"

"Yes, Church?" Caboose came running down the hall. Alex followed them out, curious.

"YOU JUST…_FORGOT_ TO MENTION THE SMALL DETAIL THAT ROOKIE IS A GIRL!?"

"...You were mad at my interrupting, so I didn't say anything," Caboose mumbled.

Church fumed. "That is NOT something you withhold from me. Ever. We can't have _girls_ on the team! It'd look bad! We already had Sister, for crying out loud, and _that_ was a headache in and of itself! We DON'T need a repeat of that!" Alex was about to retort, when Tucker walked in.

"Are we talking about girls?" Tucker suddenly froze, eyeing Alex. "Wait. _WHAT!? _We've got a _girl_ on our team!? THANK YOU, GOD!" Tucker fell onto his knees, fists in the air. If it were possible, Church would've had steam coming out of his ears.

"This is what I DIDN'T want to happen. Tucker, you make one move on her, and you're toast."

"What? No fun." Alex giggled.

Caboose was angry, too. "Yeah! Alex is my new best friend. No _hey chicka bum bum_," Caboose retorted.

Tucker sighed. "Caboose, you're never going to get it right."

"Everyone, _shut up_!" Church put his hands on his hips, and looked over to Alex, who looked as confused as ever. "I'm Leonard Church. This is Lavernius Tucker, and Michael J. Caboose. We're the Blue Team."

"Hi. I'm Alex Ring. I don't know what's going on, or what the Blues or Reds are, but I'm…relatively…happy to be here, nonetheless," she seemed unsure.

Caboose suddenly brightened. "Her voice sounds kind of like Tex's."

"Ring? Like…Lord of the Rings? I loved that trilogy!" Tucker cut in, giving her a wide smile.

"Yes," Alex sighed, turning sarcastic. "As in the Lord of the Rings. Start calling me Ringy, or Ringmaster, or anything having to do with jewelry or with the evil forces of my power, and I will shoot you. In the arm. For a warning."

Tucker leaned over to Church. "_Now_ she sounds like Tex. But with her aim, she'd probably hit your head. Shouldn't make fun of her name."

"Wait! Wait!" Caboose looked as if he'd figured something out. He pointed to Alex. "_Your _last name is Ring—"

"—Very _good_, Caboose!"

"—shut up, Church, Caboose wasn't finished—"

Caboose didn't notice. He looked at Church. "And _your _last name is Church."

Alex didn't understand. She looked around, and noticed that everyone, was just calmly waiting for Caboose to finish, like it was an old routine.

"...You two should get married!"

Alex and Church looked at each other. Tucker looked from Alex, to Church, then back to Alex. "_What?_ That makes no sense."

"He's making a marriage joke. People get married in a church, and they wear rings, Tucker."

"Oh! Right. So…"

"…"

"Are you going to—"

"—NO, TUCKER. I'M NOT MARRYING THE ROOKIE."

"Um," Alex cut in shyly. "Can you stop calling me Rookie? I have a name, as we all know, now."

"You're _Rookie_ until I say so, Ring," Church bit out. She crossed her arms, annoyed.

"Fine! Then you don't get to use any of my game consoles until _I_ say so."

"WHAT!?" Tucker looked extremely excited. "You have _game consoles?!_ Dude! She's a gamer, _and_ she's hot! THIS IS AWESOME!"

"Shut _UP_, Tucker."

In the midst of all the arguing, Alex's ears perked. She thought she heard…yelling…outside. She cleared her throat.

"Uh…guys? Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Church looked around. "I don't hear anyth—"

"GIT YER ASSES OUT HERE, BLUES! WE'VE GOT YOU COMPLETELY SURROUNDED!"

Church sighed. "Shit."


	4. Chapter 4: Trading

**Hey, guys. If I have any readers left, that is. I know it's taken me an EXTREMELY long time to even write anything. I don't really have an excuse-I just got lazy and didn't really have the drive to write stuff for awhile. I'm trying to get back into it, because I really love RvB and I think that the entire series is one of the funniest things ever! I want to thank all the reviewers for taking the time and being inspiration for getting me to write again!**

**Anyways, here's chapter 4. Enjoy!**

"WE'VE GOT YOU COMPLETELY SURROUNDED!"

"Dude, Simmons. Sarge _just_ said that. You don't need to say it again."

"Whatever, Grif. At least I _show initiative_ and take part in my team."

"…Wow, Simmons. Maybe _you_ should have the pink armor."

"Will you two shut up! Yer distracting me from killing the filthy blues and gaining ultimate victory!" Sarge's voice cut through the quick banter as the commanding officer of the blues, Church, stepped out of their base. As always, the sun was shining brightly, and Church immediately squinted at the sudden change of lighting, even with his helmet giving him some help.

"Jesus Christ, what is it _this_ time?"

"We're here to take you guys out once and for all!" Simmons yelled from behind Sarge.

"Right." Church crossed his arms. "Like deleting us out of Command's data bases wasn't enough? What the fuck do you guys want?"

"To destroy you! Forever!" Sarge simply stated, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Church groaned.

"Yeah, well, it's gonna have to wait. I'm dealing with some serious issues right now that come first before your team's idiotic plans of destruction. So just…go away. Thanks."

As this was said, an extremely loud shot was fired from inside the blue base and barely grazed Church. It hit Grif straight in the thigh.

"MOTHER FUCKER!" Grif fell to the ground, nursing his wound as best he could with his armor still on, which was, in other words, flailing around on the ground.

"Shit." Church swore. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? YOU ALMOST HIT ME!" He was silent for a second as he thought. "CABOOSE! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

"IT WASN'T ME CHURCH!" Caboose wailed from inside. "DR. RINGENSTEIN IS TRYING TO AIM FOR THE REDS!"

"What!" A female voice was heard from inside the base. "No I'm not! I'M NOT, I SWEAR! THIS THING JUST SHOT ALL BY ITSELF!" A couple of seconds and another gunshot later, the same voice shouted, "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THING!"

"That, my dear rookie, is a sniper." Tucker explained from inside. "Although, it's nothing compared to my sword. Wanna see?"

"Uh…That's what she said?"

"DUDE! I LOVE this girl!"

"Girl?" Simmons looked over at Church, who hadn't moved from his spot. "You guys have a girl?"

"FUCKING SHIT FUCKER GOD DAMMIT!" Grif wailed.

"That would be what I meant by serious issues, you morons," Church uncrossed his arms, turning around to walk back into base. "She's new, and doesn't know anything, so if you don't mind, I have to straighten this out before I deal with you." Before he could, however, Sarge fired a warning shot right by his shoulder. Church stared at the smoldering indent on the outside wall of his base, inches from his head, and turned around.

"What?"

"I didn't tell you that you could leave," Sarge aimed his gun at Church. Grif moaned.

"Isn't anyone going to help me?"

Church ignored Grif. "Right. So, I will say again: _What do you want?_"

"You just wounded one of my men. Not that Grif really counts as a man…"

Grif growled in protest on the ground. "Fuck you guys."

Sarge continued. "But I'm short one on my team, now. It's only fair that you give me something in return."

"Since when have we been fair?" Church argued.

"Since we have guns, and you don't," Simmons replied.

"Good point. HEY GUYS! GET OUT HERE!"

"Give us the girl," Sarge requested, "And we'll call it even. Do we have a deal?"

"Why do you want the _girl_!" Church fought. "She can't shoot, she's doesn't know where she is, _Caboose_ found her, and _that's_ reason enough—"

"Can't shoot! She shot Grif!" Simmons flared.

"True, but I think that was on accident," Church chuckled. "Grif was just in the way. But whatever. Suit yourself. HEY, ROOKIE!"

Alex slowly made her way out of the base. "What'd I do?"

Church sighed. "We're trading you. Since you shot Grif, you're on the Red team now. Which makes no sense to me, but I don't really care."

"And since she's indigo, she could be on either team!"

"Again, Simmons," Grif groaned out, "You need to switch armor with Donut."

"Fuck you, Grif. You want another bullet? I can make that happen."

At this point, all of the Blue team members had come out of the base. Tucker came up next to Alex, and Caboose was on her other side.

"Wait, so I'm being given up?" Alex asked.

"Heyy!" Caboose interfered. "You can't give my new purple friend away!"

"It's not my fault that Grif dude was in my way!" Alex tried to explain.

"Spoken like a true Red," Sarge began to tear up. "She'll make us so proud!"

"You heard him," Church looked over at Alex. "Move it."

"Oh, Jesus. Fuck me," Alex mumbled under her breath. _A few hours here, and she'd already caused a serious problem. And had gotten herself traded. Wonderful. _

"Gladly!" Tucker looked over at her. She was confused for a moment, but then it dawned on her.

"Tucker! Shut _up_!" Church hit Tucker over the head with Caboose's gun.

"I'll shut _her_ up! Bow chicka wow wow!"

"Tucker," Alex turned to Tucker, violently grabbing his arm, "I'll bow chicka your wow in a second if you don't SHUT UP."

There was a moment of silence. Church looked over at Alex. Alex coughed.

"Hang on, that's not what I meant—"

"—Oh, _pleeease_ do," Tucker leaned over to her, shaking in laughter all the while. He looked over at Church. "She doesn't even know when she's being dirty! It's kinda sad that she has to leave."

"Yeah, well, she does," Church finalized the agreement. "I just want to go back to sleep. I don't care where Rookie ends up staying, as long as I'm not stressing out about trivial shit anymore."

Alex growled. "You're seriously trading me? You're all a bunch of dicks. It's not like I _chose_ to be here! Caboose fucking _kidnapped me!_ And now that I'm here and it's your job to help me out, you're gonna trade me?" She walked over to the Reds. "You all are jerks."

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" Caboose yelled at Tucker. "YOU MADE HER WANT TO LEAVE! I WAS GONNA HAVE A BEST FRIEND AND YOU MESSED IT UP!"

"WHAT! No I didn't! I just made a joke! It's all Church's fault! _He's_ the dick!"

They both turned to Church. He shrugged. "You act like that's something new."

As the Reds walked away from the Blue base with a new albeit reluctant member in tow, Tucker and an infuriated, mumbling Caboose started back inside. Sighing a little at the retreating Reds, Church felt a little guilty about the whole thing. _She was only trying to help. After all, she doesn't even know how she got here. She's basically making it up as she goes, which is pretty good for a girl who has no military training._ He shook this out of his head immediately after he thought it, giving a scoff. _Dude. She's a chick. A wimpy chick. Tex would shred her. She shouldn't be on the team! She'll be fine with the Reds._ Satisfied with his inner conflict, He turned to re-enter his base. _Back to sleep. Finally._

**Let me know what you think! And, as always, thank you for reviewing! They always make my day.**

**Xoxo  
**


	5. Chapter 5: Alex in Chains

**Hey guys! I have another quick update :) By the way, some of the dialogue _does_ come from the show. If you recognized that, good for you! I tried to incorporate as much of the actual storyline into my plot as I could, so that it would sound more true to the story. Roosterteeth, don't kill me! I'm using your genius work solely to entertain!**

**Disclaimer: Once again, I do not own any characters, other than Alex. Who is quite pathetic, I'd say.  
**

Chapter 5—Alex in Chains

Alex grumbled as she sat, chained (literally) to one of the walls just outside the door to the Red Base. _Did they really have to keep me here?_ It had been a good three hours, and Alex had lost any insecurities or shyness she'd had in the beginning when Simmons and Grif were only strangers. She had been listening to them complain and discuss nothing for the entire time she was chained, and she was getting really impatient.

"Hey, guys? What if I have to pee?" Her question was ignored as both Grif and Simmons were in deep conversation.

"I'm telling you, this is a whole new world for us. New bases, new armor. It's a fresh start!" He motioned towards his new gun, as well. Simmons scoffed.

"Then why the fuck are we still having the same stupid conversations?"

Alex jangled her chains irritably. "Still sitting here!"

"Shut up, rookie, you're useless anyway, you don't even know how to use a gun." Grif gave his newly mended leg (thanks to Lopez) a pat, and went back to Simmons as Alex growled indignantly. "Just think—you know how people say, 'If I knew then what I knew now?,' Well, that person is you, and you already know it. And the _then_, is right now!"

Alex sputtered. "What the fuck does that even mean?"

Grif turned to face her. "Look, rookie. No one is asking for your input."

"Well, I didn't understand that, either," Simmons interjected.

"Okay, look," Grif turned back to Simmons, leaving Alex still without a solution to her peeing problem. "Don't you regret anything from our last assignment? Like all your mistakes?"

Simmons leaned against the wall of the doorway. "I didn't make mistakes! _You_ made mistakes!" Alex silently wondered what happened during their last assignment.

Grif motioned to Simmons. "Exactly! You set too high of a bar. And that made it harder for the rest of us."

"There is no 'rest of us'. There's just _you_. _And_, you suck. The bar has nothing to do with it. If the bar was set any lower, you'd just hit your fucking head on it. Or accidentally eat it." Alex snorted. Grif threw his gun at her.

"You missed, dipshit."

Grif stuttered, going to get his gun. "You don't matter, you're just a prisoner."

"I have better aim than you, Sergeant Asshole. _And_ I'm chained up."

"Whatever." He turned back to Simmons, who was trying to stifle his laughter.

"You're not even a sergeant, Grif. You better thank her for her compliment."

"Fuck you, man." He continued his previous conversation. "You need to loosen up. We got a good thing going here, I mean, this is an easy gig. We need to make the most of it. You should question authority every now and then."

That sobered Simmons up. "What? I question authority!"

Grif scoffed. "Asking Sarge 'Can we have more work?' is _not_ questioning authority."

"_Nice_." Simmons cocked his gun. Alex immediately looked down. "Sorry."

Simmons faced Grif. "Grif, technically, it _is_ a quest—"

"—_stop_ _it_—"

"—Besides, all you ever do is waste time."

"Waste time? I _make_ time. Every second Sarge spends arguing with me is one second I don't have to do something _stupid_ like clean our guns, or… whatever he's always making _you_ do."

"You dumbass! We have to maintain our equipment! Otherwise—"

An extremely loud explosion reached their ears from just outside the base. Sarge's voice rang clear. "Augh! Sonofabitch!"

Grif turned to Simmons, triumphant. "See? That should keep him busy for at least—"

"—Simmons! Grif! Front and center!"

"Dammit."

Alex cut in again. "Nice plan, jackass. Clearly, it's working flawlessly. By the way, can I _please_ pee?"

"No."

Sarge was becoming impatient. "Hustle up, idiots!"

Grif turned to Simmons. "What do we do about the rookie? We can't just leave her here, she's gonna find a way to escape."

"All right, well, we'll just take her along outside." Taking the chain off of the secure part of the wall, Simmons attached the other side to her free arm and pulled her outside to see what Sarge's problem was.

"What seems to be the problem, officer?" Alex mockingly stated to her new commanding officer. Sarge didn't notice her sarcasm.

"You should learn a thing or two from this young lady. This girl isn't even part of the military and she knows how to treat an officer! You two idiots are just a waste of money and time. And energy."

"Uh…sir?" Grif broke in. "Did you come out here just to tell us that we're worthless? Cause I could've just been standing over there for you to tell me that…"

"Shut up, Grif!"

"See?" Grif turned to Simmons. "That's five more seconds that we don't have to do anything."

"GRIF!"

"…Two more seconds…"

Sarge cut him off again. "Power's still off. Get back up there, Grif. Do your military duty."

About a half an hour and many arguments later, Grif had, once again, reached the top of the tower, where large pieces of debris were clogging the power output.

"Hey, Grif! We're gonna need you to clear that blockage!"

"HOW? THESE PIECES ARE HUGE! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIFT THEM?"

"Well, they do say people in emotional situations can sometimes get superhuman strength!" Sarge yelled back.

"YEAH! WELL WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE IN SITUATIONS WHERE THEY REALLY DON'T GIVE A FUCK! WHAT KIND OF POWERS DO THEY GET?"

"Grif!"

Simmons tried being helpful. "If you can't lift it, just try clearing it with a grenade!"

"UM, IS THAT SAFE!"

"None of this is safe! You gonna start analyzing _now_?"

Sarge threw a grenade as high as he could. "Here, Grif, take one of mine!" It flew halfway up, and began its descent down, exploding along the way. Simmons objected.

"Sarge, you pulled the pin out!"

"Of course I did! Who throws a grenade with the pin still in it? Hey Grif! Catch this one!" He threw another one up.

"NO! I'M NOT CATCHING THOSE!"

"Dammit, I can't reach." He didn't even flinch as the grenade exploded a few feet away from them, causing Simmons to frantically jump out of the way.

"Aaah! Cut it out!"

"YEAH! LET ME GET BACK TO WORK UP HERE! OKAY, HERE WE GO!" Grif jumped up towards the debris clogging, stuffing one of his own grenades as deep as he could, pulling out the pin. It took a moment, but Alex heard a wail from the top of the tower as soon as Grif realized what he just did.

"OH SHIT! UHH, WHERE DO I GO WHEN THE GRENADE EXPL—"

Another large boom caused all of the debris to clear, allowing the blue power surge to show itself. It also caused Grif to go flying through the air, flailing his arms and legs desperately. Alex looked up to see Grif quickly gaining speed as he fell, screaming in terror all the way.

Simmons gasped. "Oh, no, he's falling!"

"I see that," Sarge noted.

"You'd think he'd have thought of the consequences of using a grenade that close to him," Alex spoke.

After a few seconds, Grif made a very gruesome sound as he finally contacted with the ground. "Oww."

"Uhh…I think Grif is broken, Sir," Simmons told Sarge.

"Well, his kneecaps are definitely shattered," Alex leaned down, reaching through her shackles to try and feel through his armor.

"OWW," Grif reaffirmed his injury as she found a particularly sensitive spot near his thigh.

"And his femur's snapped." Grif wailed.

"How do you know, rookie?" Simmons sounded doubtful.

"Well, Simmons, I _am_ a fourth year med student back on Earth."

"What!" Simmons was flabbergasted. "You never said anything about that!"

"You never asked," she stated simply. She stood up, facing Sarge. "Got a bed? Or a gurney?"

"Inside," Sarge motioned to the base. Alex stared at Grif for a moment, and began to chuckle.

"I'm not so useless anymore, Grif, am I? I bet you're kind of regretting saying that an hour ago." Grif groaned. Alex sighed, contentedly. "Yeah, I thought so."

They stayed standing there for a minute, until Alex sighed again, now frustrated.

"WILL SOMEONE TAKE THESE FUCKING SHACKLES OFF OF ME SO I CAN HELP GRIF?...AND PEE?"

**Who knew she had a medical background! Alex saves the day! Kind of. She had to have SOME sort of smart quality! :) Review please? I'll love you forever!  
**


	6. Chapter 6: Inside Red Base

**Hey guys! I'm alive! Haha, I know it's been a hell of a long time since I've updated, and I'm sorry about that. My updates usually are kind of sporadic, just because I have a lottt on my plate at the moment. I hope you enjoy! Although it is kind of a short chapter, Alex is going through her first day at Red Base! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own RvB. Although, I sincerely wish I knew the guys who did. They're all pretty awesome guys.  
**

Alex had single-handedly set Grif's broken bones, and had enough supplies in the Red Base to fully heal him properly. After hearing about his shattered patella and broken femur (which is the most painful bone to break in the entire body), he had promptly fainted.

Wiping the sweat off her brow, she stitched Grif back up, and let him rest. She turned to Sarge, Simmons, and Donut, all of whom were busy staring in awe.

"Where'd you learn to be so fast with a needle?" Simmons was flabbergasted.

"And so…brave in the face of blood?" Donut looked a little squeamish.

"Well, I _have_ been studying anatomy, physiology, and medicine since I was in my last year of high school," I muttered to them, taking off my gloves and washing my hands.

"How old _are _you?"

"Twenty-five."

"Aw, she's so _young!"_ Sarge cooed, feeling a little bit of gratitude for her. "Even though you saved the life of the most worthless piece of shit on this planet, I want to thank you for your expertise and your dedication to the service."

Alex's jaw dropped. As did everyone else's.

"Sir, did you just…_thank_ her?"

"Well, course I did, Simmons. She's been here less time than you and has already saved a life, which is more than I can say for you, Grif, _or_ Donut. She deserves it."

"Uh…" Alex swallowed. "Thanks, sir. That means a lot. Especially since I've only been here a day or so."

"You've been promoted."

"What?" Simmon's voice cracked. "She's a girl! And she's not even on our team! What do you mean, dedication to the service? She's not in the service!"

"Simmons! How dare you say such a thing! She is now your superior, and she is absolutely a member of this team! She healed your partner, and in doing that, she's become a more valuable member of the service than you have. And who says women can't be in charge?"

Simmons was beside himself. "The only reason why she's a member of this team is because we captured her! That doesn't make her my superior! That makes her a captive! What ever happened to order?" he grumbled.

"Things have never been in order, Simmons," Grif groaned, waking up from his rest. He looked up at Alex, turning pink.

"Um…Alex?"

"Yes, Grif?"

"Why am I naked under this blanket?"

Alex chuckled. "I had to strip you so I could find all of your injuries, that's all. Don't worry, no one raped you."

Simmons laughed, despite his grumpiness. Sarge beamed. "You're like the girl soldier we never had."

"Well, there was Sister…"

"She was a whore. No offense Grif."

"None taken," he moaned again, looking a little less pink now that he'd gotten over his nakedness.

"Alex here is the epitome of feminine grace and beauty." Alex turned to Sarge, cocking an eyebrow at him in confusion. "Therefore, she has become an important member of our family here at Red Base. And by family, I mean Donut's, Lopez's, Simmons' and my family. Grif doesn't count, because he doesn't matter," Sarge noted. Alex sighed.

"Sarge, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Ringo."

She ignored the bad name. "Why do you hate Grif so much?"

Sarge stood there for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "That's easy. He's lazy, and can't do anything. Why would I like him?"

"But Sarge, hear me out," Alex braved through her question, using her new promotion in the base as leverage. "Grif just risked his life for you. He climbed to the top of the base to clear the rubble out of the way so that you could use your signal and have power. As far as I've seen, he's done more for you than I have. Why would that make you hate him?"

Sarge stood, silently contemplating her question.

"I _am_ really lazy, although I do appreciate you standing up for me," Grif mumbled, twitching in his cot. "Dammit, my leg's twitching."

"And _I'm_ half-bionic, because I've sacrificed for you before," Simmons interjected.

"You are?" Alex looked at him warily. Her helmet was off, but Simmons and Sarge both had all of their armor on. She hadn't seen what Simmons looked like.

Simmons sighed. "Yeah, it's a long story."

"Will _someone _stop my leg from twitching?" Grif wailed in pain. Donut walked in.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO GRIF?" he ran over to his cot, rubbing his arm. "Are you all right?"

Grif sighed, trying to move. "No. My recently shattered leg's muscles are twitching. It hurts like fucking hell." Donut cooed, the definite mother of the base, trying to get Grif to calm down.

"You better watch out, Donut. Alex here is using up all of your compassion points. She's the new favorite," Grif mumbled.

"What?" Alex looked frantically at Grif. "I am not! I'm trying to change Sarge's mind about you, not become the new favorite! I don't even know where I am, or who you all are, or what Red Base or Blue Base is! I'm just trying to deal with what I'm being given here!"

"And that," Sarge mentioned, "is why I gave her the promotion. She does whatever she's told, like a good soldier! Unlike you lazy asses."

Alex looked hopefully at Sarge. "Have you changed your mind about Grif?"

"Nope."

"Oh well, at least I tried." Alex sighed, sitting down on an empty cot. She looked around. "Where'd Simmons go?"

"Oh, he left, all depressed, when I came in, remember?" Donut laughed, taking his helmet off.

"What's he so upset about?"

"Well, you're the new favorite. He likes being the favorite."

Alex sighed, exasperated. "Great. So now he's going to hate me, huh?"

"Yep." Donut gave her a pat on the shoulder. "Good luck."

As Donut left, Sarge exited behind him, leaving just Alex and Grif. As she sat there, she remembered excitedly that all of her stuff had been hauled over when she was given to the Reds. Including her game systems. She turned quickly to Grif, who was desperately trying to sit up in his cot.

"Hey, Grif—Wanna play some video games?"

"Only if you stop my fucking leg from twitching."


	7. Chapter 7: The Plan

**I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW. I apologize. Winter break has been really distracting. I'm sorry, please forgive me!**

**Enjoy :)**

**Chapter 7  
**

_Dammit. Not only am I just as far away from getting home as I was a few weeks ago, but NOW, I'm at a different base…with different guys…holding me HOSTAGE. Wonderfully done, Alex. You're definitely going to get home now._

Alex sighed, pushing her game controller aside and putting her legs up on a table near the couch in the Red Base's supposed "Rec Room." As she sat staring off into space, she gave more thought to her idea of escape and returning home. _I could easily sneak out. These guys aren't THAT bright—I can find a way. The tricky part will be finding Caboose's mechanism to travel back to my time, and my world. _Alex sat up straight at that thought, her arms prickling with a wave of goose bumps. _Damn. _She wasn't even close to being home—she was so far away, and she'd barely even registered it until now. She sucked in a deep breath. _Fuck._ She picked up her game controller again, unpausing her game. She was currently on a mission to finish Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

"Heyyy, Ringo!" Alex jumped, exhaling as she recognized it was Grif who sat down next to her (turns out their medicine was way more advanced than hers, and it sped up the process). He felt much better after a few weeks of recovery, and had become her new buddy, being the only one to even care about him in the slightest so far other than Simmons, (Alex was sure healing him without the use of replacing his human parts with metal had something to do with it) and so he tended to stick around her for the most part. The bad thing was, a lot of his (and everyone elses') use of colorful language had gotten to her, and she found herself swearing much more often than she used to.

"Holy mother of FUCK you fuckin' scared me! Ever heard of announcing yourself? Shit!" she looked back to the screen. "I died."

"Sorry." Grif looked apologetic. "Anyways, I wanted to thank you again, for re-setting my shattered leg. You're like this one guy we knew once, Doc—except you actually _healed_ us. So, uh…yeah. Thanks!"

Alex gave a wave of her hand. "Eh, it was nothing. I'm just glad you're walking this fast. Where I come from, it's totally unheard of. And kind of impossible." She smiled.

Grif chuckled. "Yeah, stuff's kind of advanced. Anyways, you down to play something?"

Alex sighed. "Nah, I just finished. I think I played with it for too long."

Grif opened his mouth to speak with a smirk on his face, but Alex cut in.

"Don't you even say 'that's what she said,' Grif."

"Is this piece of filth botherin' you?" Sarge bustled in at the first sign of conversation. Alex rolled her eyes—this same series of events had been taking place for the last few weeks. Alex couldn't stand it anymore. _Which gives me even another reason to jet out of here as fast as I possibly can,_ she thought to herself.

"Sarge, it's totally fine. He was just asking to play a video game with me."

"Which is exactly my point," Sarge responded gruffly. "He's askin' you somethin'. Therefore, he's botherin' you."

Alex stood up now, wrapping up her controllers neatly and placing them back near the screen. "No, he's not. Seriously Sarge, why do you hate Grif so much?"

"Isn't it obvious? He's a total waste of space."

"Ah. It never gets answered honestly, does it?"

Alex spotted Simmons entering the room, eyeing her, and then leaving again with a sigh of frustration. _Great. AND I have another member of this base who hates me for being the new favorite, and I don't even WANT the attention!_ "I preferred when Simmons was your favorite," she muttered to herself.

Caboose was sitting grumpily on the couch as Tucker and Church paced through the room.

"You know how Caboose is," Tucker muttered to Church. "When he's mad about something, he'll let us know! Well, I think he let us know days ago, and now he's just too fuckin' pissed at us to even talk now. You know that I can't fall asleep at night anymore, right? I'm afraid Caboose is gonna fuckin' murder me in my sleep because he's so mad!"

"Shut the fuck up, Tucker," Church growled. "You're not going to get killed in your sleep. Caboose can't even kill the right person when we're fighting other people."

"He's got better aim than you."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, TUCKER!" Church sighed. "We need to figure out a way to get Alex back, and telling me that my aim sucks won't help any." He sat down on a nearby chair, raking a hand through his black hair. Alex's cheeky smirk quickly flashed through his mind, and he suddenly felt guilty about letting her go to the Reds. It was, after all, his fault. And now they were outnumbered by two guys. _It's not like she had planned to appear here_. _And not everyone can be as skilled as Tex. Hell, no one's as skilled as Tex. This girl's doing pretty well for someone who doesn't understand anything that's going on_. Church couldn't figure out which part of his brain to listen to, but he knew that Alex's face would keep popping up in his mind if he didn't do something. _Well, fuck it._

"Caboose?"

No answer. Caboose hadn't even looked up at them the entire time. Church wasn't even sure if he was paying any attention. He could've just been an empty suit for all he knew.

"Caboose?"

Tucker was silent, too. Apparently waiting for the big finish.

"I'm sorry for trading Alex. We all know I'm an asshole, and it doesn't need any more reaffirming. I'm thinking we can steal her back." He was secretly wincing. _Church? Apologize?_

"Oh, you're finally listening then?" Tucker rolled his eyes. "Caboose has been telling us to do that for days, you fucking moron. We should've been over there getting her back days ago! They could be torturing her!" Tucker sighed. "What a waste. She was hot, too…"

Church flared. "Tucker, if you don't shut the FUCK up in the next second, I swear, I'll shoot you."

Caboose lifted his head. "You two are so dumb." He stood up, and went for the doorway. "I'm going to go get Alex back. You two stay here, and don't mess anything up."

**Reviews are wonderful! :)**


	8. Chapter 8: Retraded

**Do I even have any people left reading this story? I wouldn't blame you if you all just left! I apologize for not really being around for the longest time. It was a combination of writer's block (which I'm still going through, by the way) and work, and school. Either way, I'm going to try really hard to keep this story going because I love RvB, and all of the people who read and take the time to review my work :) Anyways, that's all for now. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 8**

Alex woke up feeling relatively relaxed. Granted, she'd been traded to the Reds for no good reason a few weeks ago (and she hated Church with a passion because of his stuck-up asshole-ness), but she wasn't doing all that badly. She had food, shelter, games, and Grif. Although Grif really didn't replace Caboose. As silly and uncoordinated as Caboose was, he had to be pretty smart to come up with a teleportation device that was strong enough to carry two grown people across the universe. Or really really lucky.

Grif just kind of limped around and did nothing all day. Not really the same.

Alex put on her armor, her helmet in hand, and walked from her newly allotted space (that had previously been Simmons', but Sarge made them switch, which thoroughly pissed off Simmons even more) to the kitchen, trying to find something to eat. All of a sudden, a crash was heard right outside the entry to the base.

"The fuck?" she whispered, craning her neck to see what was happening. _It's probably just Sarge just throwing something at Grif_. Either way, she was about to go see the damage and potentially heal Grif again when she heard something. Something eerily familiar to Blue Base voices.

"If you make one more sound, I will fucking shoot your head off." Alex noted the authority in the voice. _Definitely wasn't Sarge. Or Simmons. Or Grif. And it's obviously not Donut._

"What's with you and violent tendencies, Church? You're not a good enough shot to make that claim." _Church!_ She thought. _That asshole._

"Would you like me to rip it off instead? I assure you, my hands are a lot quicker," Church quipped.

"Bow chicka-" A clang of metal signaled some kind of injury. "Oww! What the fuck, man?"

"Shh! Do you guys want us to be found out? You two are not helping. And shouldn't have come with me." _That sounds like Caboose…_

Alex put her helmet on, excitedly taking the last few strides to the entrance of the base. Surely enough, she found Caboose, Tucker, and Church all crouched a few feet away. _Not very well hidden_, she added to herself, noticing they were trying in vain to keep behind a nearby boulder.

"Ringie! I've come to steal you back! You need to hurry!" Caboose was frantically gesturing for her to follow, sounding quite happy to see her. Alex couldn't help smiling despite the awkward situation.

"Uh, thanks Caboose. Not like we're out here doing the same thing or anything." Tucker's voice was laced with sarcasm. "We _all_ came to rescue you!"

"You two did not help. At all. In fact, you should just go back to base." Caboose turned to them, sounding a bit more official than usual.

Alex frowned at Church. "Uh, guys, not to be a spoilsport or anything, but what makes you think I want to come back?" She couldn't see any of their expressions, but from Caboose's silence, she realized quickly that she had said that out loud, to everyone. Not just to Church, whom she was actually aiming her rudeness.

"Nice job, Rookie," Tucker muttered to her. "You've made Caboose all quiet again."

For a while, no one said anything. Alex cleared her throat, thinking of a way to ease the tension. She guiltily turned to Caboose.

"Let me rephrase that. Caboose, I want to come back. I do. You're _not_ the reason I don't want to." She looked at Church pointedly through her tinted helmet, hoping he got the point.

"What, did_ I_ do something?" Tucker backed up, noting how close he was to Quiet Caboose, who was apparently very threatening. "Don't hurt me, man…"

Alex chuckled. "No, you idiot. It's not you either. And Caboose isn't gonna hurt you, he's too nice to hurt anyone."

"You haven't seen him recently," Tucker bit out. "He misses you. Cause some _fucking asshole_ traded you and made you want to leave."

By this point, everyone was looking at Church. He sighed. "_What? _Oh, it's _my _fault? What was I supposed to do?"

"Go yourself. And let her stay. She's better than you!" Caboose finally said something, obviously upset. "You're the C.O. You should've taken charge!" He thought for a moment. "And she's PURPLE!_"_

"I _did_ take charge! I made a decision!"

"Dude, you should've made a _better _decision," Tucker mumbled. "She's a better shot than you anyway."

"AND SHE'S PURPLE!" Caboose added, again.

"CAN WE PICK ANOTHER THING TO TARGET BESIDES MY AIM?"

"No pun intended," Alex couldn't help saying it.

Church sighed. "It's like that's the only thing you guys can think of anymore!"

"Because it's _that_ bad!" Tucker persisted.

Alex laughed. "I don't know what to say…thanks?" She thought for a moment. "I have all my stuff inside the base though. How are we going to take it back over quietly?"

"You don't need it! You need to come with us now!" Caboose ran over, taking Alex's hand and pulling her along.

A few minutes had passed since the third sun rose over Valhalla. Sarge noted that Grif's complaints of hunger had risen from mild to extremely annoying, and so he told Grif and Simmons, who had been outside tinkering with the Warthog, and Donut, who was watching ("No! I'm not going near that thing! Not since the soup can ate my hand! I was only trying to pet the bunny!") to go inside at get food. As they were all eating, Sarge noticed something.

"Where's Ringo? It's lunch time!" Sarge looked worriedly around the interior of the base for a few minutes. "I can't find her anywhere!"

"Hey guys," Grif tried to butt in. "Maybe she got taken from us."

"That's cadswallop! She's got too good of instincts to get taken!" Sarge whacked Grif in the helmet. "What's wrong with you?" Grif sighed.

Sarge spent the next hour looking outside for her, but all to no avail. She was gone!

"Maybe some zombies came and ate her brains," Donut suggested, shivering slightly at the thought.

"Too irrational," Sarge defended. "She's too smart to get her brains eaten."

"You give her way too much credit," Simmons mumbled.

"I don't see that logic," Grif said to Sarge.

"I wouldn't expect you to understand anything remotely challenging, Grif," Sarge answered. Grif just sighed again.

Simmons shrugged. "Maybe she died." He brightened a little at that thought.

Sarge gasped in horror. "Don't you ever say anythin' about my Ringo like that! She's like a daughter to me…" he cocked his gun and set it right by Simmons' head. "Do you have a death wish, or somethin'?"

"No, Sarge, no, of course not, you're absolutely right, I'm sorry!" Simmons squeaked.

"Nice one, Simmons. Were you always this good at ass-kissing, or did it just start once you joined the service?"

"Shut up, Grif! I don't see you providing any better solutions!"

"Actually, I did. But I got hit for it, so my solution is to not give any more solutions. I figured that being smart, you'd learn from that…"

"Shut up!" Simmons growled. "You're just taking the lazy approach. As usual."

"Simmons is right, you waste of space!" Sarge yelled. "Where's Ringo!"

"Uh, Sarge, maybe Grif was…right." Simmons stopped for a moment. "Wow, that sounds weird to say."

Grif rolled his eyes. "Thanks, asshole."

Ignoring him as usual, Simmons continued. "Maybe the Blues took her back. You know…they have been awfully quiet lately. Maybe they've been planning this for a while."

"Those filthy girl-stealin'—! And right under my nose!" Sarge finally pulled his gun away from Simmons, and made his trek to the tree outside the base. Simmons, Grif, and Donut followed.

"He didn't even finish his insult. Sounds like he's really upset," Simmons noted.

"No, ya think?" Grif just sighed again. "It's like you love saying what everyone else already knows."

Simmons ignored Grif's remark. "What're we gonna do, sir?"

"We're gonna do what we Reds do best, Simmons." Sarge looked over at Blue base. "We're gonna hunt down those Blues."

**If I even have any readers anymore...review? It'd make me happy!**


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